Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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