Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
