Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
