if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
