And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
