Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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