would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
