i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
