My nipple is on Facebook.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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