the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
