some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
