In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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