The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
time to smoke my breakfast
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
