the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
