Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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