For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
