if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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