peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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