He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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