i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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