As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
