I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
