i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
