oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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