Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
