She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
