Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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