Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just invented taco cereal.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
