I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
