Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize