Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
