I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
