Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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