First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
