can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
