I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize