3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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