dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
