I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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