Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
