I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
