we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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