You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
