i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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