Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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