his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
