ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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