Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My hand turned me down
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
