The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So apparently I’m into choking now
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