no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just had sex bonerless
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
