I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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