We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
