Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
