My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
