Already got asked if we're dating
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
