we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
