After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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