I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
