you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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