i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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