You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
