Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
