So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
