She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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