I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
