I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize