just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
