bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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