I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
